Do you ever feel like your brain is going a million miles an hour and you can’t slow your thoughts down? Do you often beat yourself up about not being productive enough or things you “should have” done? Do you struggle to take your own advice or expect more from yourself than you do others? Do you find yourself playing over the same events or conversations in your mind again and again? If this sounds like you follow along to find out more information
Everyone has thoughts and this consciousness is what many consider makes us human. It is an incredible phenomenon and skill that allows us to learn, grow, create and form deeper connections with one another and the world around us. Although – at times our thoughts can be our own worst enemy! Thoughts can be in the form of pleasant memories or daydreaming about something exciting happening in the future. Thoughts can also be painful repeating reminders about negative experiences of the past that we can’t change. So how do we figure out whether our thoughts are helping us, or if they are hindering us? This is where it is so important to understand the difference between rumination and self-reflection.
Rumination is repetitively thinking about negative or stressful events and feelings in a passive way. This includes self-criticism and negative self-talk – which get you stuck in this seemingly never-ending loop of feeling like crap. Researchers in the US, Marin and Ritondo, said that rumination is different from self-reflection because it doesn’t do anything to improve negative feelings, doesn’t allow for proper understanding of a situation, nor does it help with problem-solving.
Self-reflection on the other hand, is a process that helps people understand, problem-solve and cope with negative outcomes or feelings. They found in their 2015 study that college students who engaged self-reflection as opposed to rumination had higher self-esteem and lower distress (Marin & Ritondo, 2015). Self-reflective learning is an incredibly helpful way to grow, learn and improve over time. It is used in many different industries from teaching and healthcare to business and can be implemented personally in everyday life. Practicing self-reflection can even lead to getting better grades in University (Lew & Schmidt, 2011)! New research through the COVID-19 pandemic is even telling us that “co-ruminating” – or having repeated negative discussions with another person – led to more depressive symptoms, whereas “co-reflection” – discussing things in an insightful, problem-solving way – led to less emotional distress and more committed action (Starr, Huang & Scarpulla, 2021).
What side of the line am I on?
You’ve probably used both rumination and self-reflection without even noticing. If you’ve ever planned for an event and considered events of the past that haven’t gone to plan and changed something to make the event coming up go better – that’s reflection! If you’ve ever won a sports game and reminisced with teammates after about that awesome pass you made – congratulations, you’ve just used self-reflection! On the flip side, if you’ve ever found yourself replaying an embarrassing social situation from the past, remembering how intensely awkward you felt again and again and again in your head, only to conclude “OMG how embarrassing, I’m such a LOSER!” – then you have fallen into the rumination trap! If you said yes to the last one don’t fret – you’re not alone. Everyone falls into the rumination “trap” from time to time, especially during the pandemic and during other stressful times.
It is important though to notice when you are ruminating. Although common, if left unchecked, rumination can become a habit and persistent rumination is a predictor of mood disorders such as Major Depressive Disorder or Generalized Anxiety Disorder (Spasojevic & Alloy, 2001).
So what do I do about it?
If you are reading this thinking I feel seen… and wondering what to do about your ruminating – we’ve got you covered. Here is a step by step for how to reduce rumination and boost your self-reflection:
Step one:
Building healthier reflection habits is to notice when you are ruminating. This takes mindfulness skills to be able to tune in to your thoughts and actually figure out in the moment when you are ruminating. Check in with your thoughts – is your mind replaying a negative event or feeling over and over? Are your thoughts calling you names like “failure” or “lazy”? Do you notice yourself feeling worse and worse the longer you think about something? Bingo – you’ve caught it! When starting out you might realize after the fact or retrospectively that you had been ruminating and this is okay. Keep noticing and practicing being able to check-in with yourself in the moment the rumination is happening.
Step two:
To take a step back and clear your mind in preparation for self-reflection. You can do this by taking some deep breaths or grounding yourself by focusing on your senses {link page https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezhqPDx0FhI}.
Step three:
Self-reflection! When starting out it can be helpful to do this by writing in a journal or talking to someone you trust – then as you get more practiced you will be able to do this by yourself, within your own thoughts. Imagine the situation or event objectively, without judgement.
Do’s
- · Start by acknowledging whether an event or experience had a desired or positive outcome. If it was mixed – what parts of it were positive and which weren’t?
- · Acknowledge your strengths and ways in which you acted in line with your values (ie. I was honest and assertive which are things that are important to me)
- · Acknowledge areas for improvement in your actions (ie. I wasn’t as kind or compassionate as I would like to have been)
- · Acknowledge any barriers that got in the way of a better outcome (ie. I was running late for my train which might have impacted my actions)
- · Consider a similar situation in the future – what would you do differently?
- · Use “can” statements (ie. “I can do xyz next time to improve…” vs. “I should/must do xyz…”)
- · Talk to someone you trust about the situation. Often telling the story or sharing your thoughts aloud, or even on paper in a journal or message can assist in the process of self-reflection (Marin & Ritondo, 2015), or it can help by giving you an outside perspective and insight.
- · Use self-compassion – imagine you were helping a friend through this process; would you give them the benefit of the doubt? Would you speak to them kindly? Do the same for yourself.
Don’ts
- · Use “should” statements (ie. “I should have done this…”)
- · Label yourself with negative or demeaning terms (ie. “I’m so LAZY…” or “I’m such an IDIOT, no wonder no one likes me”)
- · Use generalizations like “always” or “never” (ie. “I’ll NEVER get this right…” or “I ALWAYS make that mistake…”)
- · Expect perfection from yourself or others – we know no one is perfect! On the flip side, take responsibility. Even if we acted positively or demonstrated strengths, there is always room for improvement!
- · Make things up – stick to the facts of the situation or your experience. Don’t try to assume how others felt or what they were thinking unless they told you so.
Now you have the formula to learn, grow and thrive by using self-reflection and curbing rumination in its tracks! Remember this isn’t a one-time thing – it takes time and practice to master and even the masters fall into the rumination trap from time to time. Be patient, keep trying and you’ll begin to see the benefits of self-reflection!
If you are struggling with this process or wanting professional help with anxious or depressive symptoms, you may benefit from one-on-one psychology sessions. Get in touch with our team at admin@mindmode.com.au , or speak with your GP about mental health treatment.
If you need immediate help contact 24/7 crisis support:
- Lifeline – 13 11 14, online chat available at https://www.lifeline.org.au/
- Beyond blue – 1300 22 4636, online chat available at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
References:
Marin, K. A., & Rotondo, E. K. (2017). Rumination and self-reflection in stress narratives and relations to psychological functioning. Memory, 25(1), 44-56.
Lew, M. D., & Schmidt, H. G. (2011). Self-reflection and academic performance: is there a relationship?. Advances in Health Sciences Education, 16(4), 529-545. Spasojević, J., & Alloy, L. B. (2001). Rumination as a common mechanism relating depressive risk factors to depression. Emotion, 1(1), 25.
Starr, L. R., Huang, M., & Scarpulla, E. (2021). Does it help to talk about it? Co-rumination, internalizing symptoms, and committed action during the COVID-19 global pandemic. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 21, 187-195.
