Why We’re Ditching New Year’s Resolutions

The classic life cycle of the ‘New Year’s Resolution’ goes a little something like this:

1. Set sights on some ultimate goal (e.g. get into shape, be super healthy and zen).
2. Feel inspired, ‘this is my year!’, join the gym/buy expensive new active wear/buy a tonne of organic fruit and veg/download a meditation app.
3. Gradually fall back into our old Netflix/sleep in/Uber Eats/espresso martini habit.
4. Beat ourselves up – ‘I’m hopeless’ ‘why would I even think this year would be different?’ – feel terrible, and give up.
5. Some time passes, and the new year comes around again.
6. Go back to Step 1, and repeat.

It’s an exhausting and futile cycle that often leaves us feeling defeated for most of the year. Albert Einstein is incorrectly credited with this quote, (but thousands of psychologists and inspirational Instagram influencers can vouch for this pretty solid reasoning):

So, are you ready to try something different this year and ditch the New Year’s resolution? 

Why don’t resolutions work? Resolutions have traditionally told us there’s ultimately something wrong with us that needs to be fixed, so we’re already starting from a non-compassionate and punishing mind-set. This can lead to feelings of guilt, shame and failure when we can’t maintain our resolutions for the entire year. 

Have you ever thought about focusing on what we’re doing right?  What about growing and building ourselves from there? A resolution is not enough. You need a New Years reflection.  Reflection helps us figure out what’s truly important to us, and what might be stopping us from achieving our goals. 

Values can really help with this. Values are the things in life that are important to us, that bring us meaning and purpose.  A value is different to a goal or resolution.  Values are not things that you achieve, and then you’re done.  Values are ways of living and being that you are always moving towards.  

For example, if you value expressing love, you don’t just buy your partner a bunch of roses once, and then never have to express your love again, right?   You are always working to be someone who expresses their love to others (some days more than others of course).  Sometimes we get off track and move in the wrong direction (e.g. if you’ve had a particularly stressful day at work, you’re distracted, or your partner has left their dishes in the sink AGAIN).  

But the cool thing about values is that we can move towards them in the smallest ways, like an ‘I love you’ text, or a hug.

We don’t have to labour away at maintaining impossible goals in order to bring meaning and vitality into our lives. In fact, its by living in line with our core values that we are more likely to achieve these goals in the first place, not the reverse. 

A simple question to revamp your New Year’s resolution:

For example, if your New Year’s Resolution was to eat healthier and exercise more – would you be more confident to hit the beach or go on a hike (value = connecting with nature), more energy to spend time with your friends and family or meet new people (value = cultivating relationships and connection with others), more confidence to express yourself through fashion (value = creativity and individuality)? 

Here are 5 New Years Resolution Reflection questions to get you moving towards your best life in 2020. Take a few minutes, a pen and paper, and be honest with yourself:

1. What are my top 3-5 core values?  (Hint: there are heaps of free values lists online to get you started)
2. How have I behaved in the past year that has moved me towards my values?  How did this make me feel?
3. How can I continue this in the new year?  What might get in the way?
4. How have I behaved in the past year that has moved me away from my values?  How did this make me feel?  What got in the way?
5. What resources and social supports do I need to connect with to overcome these barriers this year?
6. What will I be doing and experiencing more of if I’m living in line with these values?